Randy's Travel Tips: The People You Meet, p. 3

Making Yourself Understood

Learn to communicate with your fellow travelers, and the local people as best you can. If your only common language is English, then learn to be sensitive to how well people understand what you say. If you are trying to communicate in a foreign language, you will be thankful for those who are sensitive to your own limits of understanding, and frustrated by those who are not.

Slow down! Speak slowly, clearly, and learn to examine your speech as you speak it! Are you about to use slang, colloquial, or complex words that non-native speakers will not understand? Watch people's faces when you speak to them. They may be nodding their heads and saying "yes, yes", but their eyes will betray the fact that they haven't understood a word you are saying. Ask them if they understand; ask them if they understood a particularly crucial word. "Understand?" "Yes, yes." "Do you understand 'injection?'" "Yes, yes, ah, well,... no!"

Conversing with others in a language that you are not both fluent in is not only an acquired skill, it is an exercise in cooperation. Each speaker is concentrating intently on what the other is saying, carefully forming sentences that will be easily understood, or trying to fashion an unfamiliar vocabulary into meaningful speech. You constantly backtrack, verify understanding, and reach for new words that can be better understood. You consult dictionaries, use sign language, photographs, pantomime, and resort to words in a third language. It can be an incredible effort, but it is a cooperative one, and it brings you closer together. You are both trying your utmost to achieve the simple communication of an idea, to understand the true meaning behind inadequate words. Contrast this to some conversations you've had at home, where people already know your meaning, but choose to interrupt you to quibble about the words that you used!

In theory, the best way to communicate if you both understand a little of each other's language, is for each one to speak in the other's language. That way you are not going to use any words that the other person does not understand. It doesn't always work out perfectly, but it is certainly good practice in bilingual communication.

Americans are famous for using so much slang and colloquial language that their everyday speech would be unintelligible even to Americans twenty years before or later. They don't seem aware that they are using language they have picked up from the television in the last few years. Just because their best friends understand them quite well, they expect felafel venders in Cairo and French travelers in Mexico to understand every unfinished sentence they utter. Slow down, speak clearly, and in simple, real English words.

At one time I spent two years teaching English in Japan. In that time I learned to communicate quite well, and even naturally, using a very limited English vocabulary to my Japanese students and various European friends alike. But when faced with Americans fresh from home, I found myself unable to converse with them in their vernacular. I had forgotten how to use all of those words! I would turn to my confounded European friends and say, "I used to talk like that!"

In Latin America I often find myself speaking to French-speaking people in Spanish. It is easier, and certainly more useful for them to learn Spanish. When you approach travelers in Latin America, you normally greet them in Spanish, since you have already picked up the quite easy rudiments of Spanish conversation. If they answer in Spanish, you can continue as far as your mutual Spanish will take you. Since my French is practically non-existent, I have French friends that I have never spoken to in anything but Spanish; it is our best common language. When we visit each other in France or America, we speak Spanish. We each know words that the others have not learned, so it's also a Spanish lesson for everybody!

Friends and Travelers

One of the differences in the traveler's mentality is your attitude about what you can and cannot live without, not only in your rucksack, but in your whole life.

Short-time travelers can fall back on the security of their identity back home, where they have close friends to share the good times and the bad. They can look back a few weeks and remember these comforting relationships, and they can also look forward a few more weeks to the time they will be back home among the people and situations that provide them with the gratification and sense of belonging that we all need. If they find themselves missing these personal contacts, they can just 'stick it out' for a few more weeks, knowing that they will soon be back to the welcome environment of home.

Not so, the long-time travelers. Our friends and family back home are too distant from us to provide for our day-to-day needs. Whatever our personal needs are, we must satisfy them right out here on the Road, or learn to live without them. If we need friendship, love, sex, moral support, camaraderie, music, parties, heart-to-heart talks, advice, consolation, gratification, acceptance, sympathy, long intellectual discussions, or a good game of chess, we must find them right here, among the people we find ourselves traveling with. You aren't just a lost dropout from some other society, you now belong to the dynamic society and culture of the Road.

That is why travelers can be quite sociable, while short time tourists sometimes keep to themselves. If you go traveling with a good friend, you may miss home less than if traveling alone, and you may find yourself socializing with your partner to the exclusion of the travelers around you.

Frankly, many of the friends I have made while traveling are people that I would never get to know at home. In fact, some of them are people I would have avoided! They are not like me, they have different backgrounds, attitudes, values, and a few idiosyncrasies that I don't care too much for. Yet we have become friends, confidants, and travel partners, to our mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

You need friends more when you are traveling than at home. It can be a challenging experience, and you will often appreciate someone to travel with, to share the hassles and the good times. You may need someone to look after you if you are sick or injured, or just to watch your bags for a few hours. When in need, we must call on people who were strangers yesterday to help us with things that we might never ask of our best friends at home. At home, we have organized ourselves to be self-sufficient in a safe world. On the Road, we are often thrown into trying situations where we may need some help. When you really need someone you can trust, you take your pick from among the people around you. Travelers are there, and they cannot afford to be embarrassed about, or unresponsive to the needs of others, nor can you.

Traveling Alone

Before I discuss several aspects of traveling with others, let's consider traveling alone. For some of you, this is not a consideration because you will, of course, be traveling with your spouse, lover, or life-long buddy. But don't skip this section, because there is a lot to be learned about social dynamics by observing the differences between lone travelers, and those with partners.

Traveling alone gives you quite a different perspective on a country -- there is no doubt about that. First of all, you will be interacting with many more strange people, most of them locals. But mostly, traveling alone makes it easier to slip out of your old identity, and be more accepting of the local social standards. If you travel with a companion from home, you will forever be sharing your habitual social points of view, and less likely to abandon them in favor of the local ones, if only because no two people will adapt to local ways in exactly the same manner. It's not quite like having your mother along, but the effect can be similar. No matter how you try, you will still be telling the same kinds of jokes and stories from home, and seeing life through the eyes of your old friends. This is much less the case when you travel with Westerners from other countries, who may have perspectives somewhat different from your own.

Even two people can have trouble agreeing on many decisions. When groups get larger than three (or even two), the logistics become overwhelming as the chance of conflict on any of a hundred petty daily decisions rises to certainty. The lone traveler, on the other hand, makes his or her own decisions on the spot, without having to discuss them with anyone. You eat where you want, when you are hungry, relax or go shopping when you feel like it, and you pack up and move on when the mood strikes you.

Another practical advantage of being alone is that you can more easily hitch a ride on a motorcycle or in a truck, and are more likely to be befriended (or accosted) by local people. But having a partner to watch the bags and share responsibilities is certainly a great convenience. It is generally much cheaper for two people to share a hotel room, than for one, although in many places a single traveler may get the identical double room for about 60% or 70% of the cost for two. Considering that you get an extra bed to lay all your gear out on, it can be a reasonable rate, if you are not on the tightest of budgets. For single travelers, the cheap alternative is often a dormitory, which is less comfortable and private, and more sociable.

The lone traveler can have the best of both worlds when s/he meets up with other travelers to share the journey for a few days or weeks. Traveling alone doesn't doom you to eternal loneliness; although you will have some lonely times, the possibilities of sharing part of your travels with others are great. So if you would like to go traveling, but are afraid to go alone, rest assured that you will usually be able to find travel companions when you want them and to enjoy the benefits of traveling alone the rest of the time.

Travel Partners

Traveling together is an intensive course in partnership. Every day you face new situations and decisions together. At home, your day is a boilerplate of routines. On the Road, every day is a new series of challenges: where to stay, where to eat, how much to spend, where to go next, when to leave, how to travel; watching the bags, buying the tickets, dealing with the hassles and the crises, together. First I'll talk about finding travel partners along the road. Then I will discuss some of the dynamics of traveling together with travel partners from home.

Travel Partners -- Fellow Travelers

When two or more people meet on the Road and decide to share their travels together, they have to put up with each other for better or for worse, but only for as long as they care to. There is no pressure to stay together, or even to work out personality conflicts if they don't want to. You are free to come and go as you please, or to split up whenever you like, because each is an independent traveler, capable of taking care of him/herself on her own. As a lone traveler, you have your own plans and your own schedules, but if you are moderately lucky, you will be able to share large parts of your trip with some truly wonderful people -- people the likes of whom you would never meet at home!

The best places to meet travel companions are in the lodgings used by travelers. I often stay in the dormitory just so I can meet people. Just ask anyone to recommend a good place to eat, and they will invite you along! Some hostels serve breakfast in a common dining room; eat there and meet some folks! There is often a common area where people gather in the evenings for the travelers' impromptu "campfire". This involves the spontaneous swapping of information, books, addresses, sewing needles, and tall tales from the edges of civilization (and credence).

Another way to meet travelers is on public transport. Don't ignore them, use the time to start a conversation, get some information, swap a book, or borrow a guidebook. Since you are all going to the same place, why not share a room, once you get there? "Where are you planning to stay in NextTown?" is a good lead-in. Anyone at all interested in finding a travel companion will take you up on this. There is no obligation, just share a room together for a night or two. You will soon learn what each other's plans are, and whether you get along. You don't need to say a word about traveling together if you don't want to.

Friend-Filled Travels

During one long trip, I spent nine of my first ten months in the company of some of the best friends I have ever made on the Road. What a wonderful trip! No sooner did I say good-bye to one friend or couple, than another good friend presented himself. It happened five times, and once on the very same day!

I would sometimes meet them on a bus or boat. It is common for lone travelers in this situation to ask another traveler to share a room. On this trip, it seemed that each time I took a roommate, my new companion was like a long lost friend; that we had just been waiting to meet up with each other so we could have a great time traveling together.

After this wonderful friend-filled stretch, I spent another three months before hooking up with another traveling couple. During this time, I found myself becoming more sullen and less interested in my travels. Since I often travel alone, it took me a while to realize that I was lonely for all that great company! -RJ

Your New Travel Companion

You never know where or how you will find your next travel companions. Sometimes they come in couples, or pairs. Sometimes you barely speak each other's language. Sometimes they are of the opposite sex. Yes, men and women can travel together as 'just' friends, as long as they have that understanding clearly defined. On the Road, you may need friends more than you need lovers; having both is a great bonus, but a good friendship is in jeopardy at the end of a romance.

Out on the Road, people come and go daily, and you must identify your friends quickly. You learn to recognize kindred spirits, and if you hesitate, they are lost. You don't have time to observe people and you cannot phone them up next week if you decide you liked their company. You may have only met them last night, but tomorrow they are leaving; the only time to act is now. "Say, I like your company. How would you like to travel together for a little while?" How many times have I sat alone on a bus, wishing that I would have said those words to someone the night before? Too many times, and even one time is too many. Seize the moment!

You start out as strangers, and you can spend weeks just sharing all of your stories while you get to know one another. When you've had enough, or your plans diverge, you split up. Maybe you swap addresses and try to keep in touch, or even meet up again somewhere. When you find someone you really enjoy being with, you change your plans to continue traveling with them. To hell with the pyramids, good friends are hard to find!

Good travel buddies are one of the greatest joys of traveling. I have made some of my best friends on the Road. Some people discount friendships they form on their travels, just because they are tenuous and short-lived relationships with people who are quite different from themselves. On the Road, however, friendship is not measured in months, but in personal trust and acceptance, and yes, you can have some very satisfying friendships, even for a few days. You grow to rely on each other to share not only your experiences, but your thoughts and feelings as well. You trust them with your luggage, your money, your health, and your inner secrets. They believe in you, even the little lies you tell each other about your great travels.

You can take turns having a day as 'watch-dog' while your companion takes the rare opportunity to relax his guard, secure in the knowledge that his partner is keeping an eye out for every danger, and making all the daily decisions about where to stay and eat.

I haven't said much about the disadvantages of casual travel partners. I don't remember too many of the people I didn't like, because we didn't travel together for more than a day or two. That's the beauty of it!

Much of what I have to say later about getting along with your permanent travel partner from home applies to getting along with travel companions that you pick up along the way. You still need to cooperate with new travel partners, but if you have too many incompatibilities, you will probably just split up long before you are at each other's throats. Somehow, this knowledge that there is no contract, no expectations, and no personal ties beyond whatever time you choose to spend together, seems to lessen the tension. You need not feel responsible for the stupid behavior of your casual travel companion, or be annoyed by idiosyncrasies that you only have to put up with for a limited time.

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